Monday, June 18, 2007

less of me to love

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you probably already know that we've been trying to start a family for about a year and a half now. I always knew that I'd have trouble getting pregnant since I was diagnosed with PCOS about eight years ago. I had every symptom except the cyst part, which showed up last year, and we've been working on that issue ever since. For about six months, we tried to get the cysts to go away with medication, and while they have reduced in size, they're still bigger than the doctor likes. He would have liked to remove them, but there was one problem: I kept gaining weight. As long as I'm overweight, he told me, the cysts will only come right back. The only solution? Lose 20 kilos (44 pounds).

My reaction?

You son of a bitch! How dare you tell me I'm overweight! Do you have any idea what I've been through for the past three years? Are you trying to tell me that fat women can't get pregnant? Haven't you heard all those stories about those fat women who thought they had a stomach ache and turns out they were in labor? GOSH!

Of course, that's what I said on the inside. On the outside, I thanked the doctor and went home and made an appointment with a dietitian.

I knew I needed to lose weight. I mean, I DO have a mirror in my own home. I just take pains to avoid it, is all. And God knows I feel terrible and I'm busting out of all my clothes. If you ever need a reality check, just go shopping for "plus size" clothing in France. That will straighten your ass out pretty quick. Obviously, I just avoided the whole issue by not buying clothes for... well, ever, really.

So I went to see the dietitian. I showed her the results of my last blood work and told her what my goals were and she wrote me up a strict but healthy diet. My biggest problem is that my blood sugar levels were extremely high - diabetes runs in my family and I nearly added my name to the list. So out goes all the good things like dessert and alcohol and even my fruit intake is limited.

Well, it's been two months now and I'm not going to lie to you, it hasn't been easy. Of course, I'm allowed to bend the rules a bit for parties and get-togethers, but I have to jump right back on the diet train just after. But the truth is, the good outweighs the bad - I'm sleeping better, my clothes are fitting better and I even have the energy to walk around more than I did before.

I had my two month check up today, and I'm pleased to report that I've lost five kilos since the end of April. That's nearly eleven pounds. I am very pleased with my progress. As much as I'd like to hurry up and get this behind me so I can work on the plumbing again, I'm content with the slow rate I'm losing weight, which is the best way to keep it off. So yeah, there's less of me to love, but I think I'm pretty ok with that.

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