Thursday, February 18, 2010

harsh reality

Here's a topic I've been avoiding lately: remember how I opened an Etsy shop? And then I got a full time job? Yeah. Hello, logical conclusion.

I'm completely broken-hearted about closing my Etsy shop. I am brimming with ideas for new products and new designs and writing out patterns and I could go on for days and days, but y'all, I am exhausted. This job takes everything out of me. I suspect it may be the fact that I'm still sick and haven't really been able to rest, plus we're still short staffed and will be for another month, which means double shifts on the weekends for another four weeks, but the only other time in my life I've been so physically exhausted was when Fry was a newborn.

The thing that doesn't help either is that it's not exactly my dream job. I am busting my ass for a job I'm not in love with, which is something I thought I'd never have to do again, *but* then I remember that I live in the region of France that has the highest unemployment rate and I am very lucky to have a job, plus the cold hard fact that we really need to get out of this house.

Oh, this apartment, we loved it so much when we moved in but it is so so dangerous for Fry. Floors like concrete, exposed brick, concrete and wooden beams, and stairs so dangerous he's not allowed to go up without us holding his hands and not allowed down by himself full stop. The upstairs is pretty much off limits because we can't install a gate at the top of the stairs (believe me, we tried). The only safe place Fry can be alone is his bed. For a 15 month old that only stops running when he sleeps, that doesn't work very well.

So. I keep working, I get my magical CDI, and we can buy house #2, which is still available and, more importantly, totally child-friendly. Then I can start looking for a job that I actually like.

But even then, where does that leave time for designing, knitting, and promoting? It doesn't. I have to make a choice between my personal creative outlet and making a better life for my kid.

And the kid wins. Every damn time.

7 comments:

Doc said...

Once you hit your stride it gets better. It's new, you're still adjusting and YES, you're still sick. Trust me! (HAR!) It does get easier once you hit "routine".

Doc said...

oh, and I'm about to finish An Echo in the Bone if you're interested.

Ms Mac said...

It's all for the greater good.

Or something.

La Rêveuse said...

And he will get to the point where he can do stuff himself, trust me. It does seem like forever, but you'll be back to you eventually. Rowan can now open and close our stair gate on her own, go up and down on both feet carrying stuff, etc. But of course I leave it, with #2 on the way...

Can you just put up a "closed for renovations" sign? Or what is that phrase the French use when they go to St. Tropez for a month and shut their shop...

Love you, girl.

Michel said...

Hey, you got your priorities right so don't sweat it. This too shall pass...

Lisanne said...

I know. My Etsy shop at the moment has like four things in it. That's it. I would love to just sit and knit all day and make soap and overload my Etsy shop with tons of stuff, but alas ... there is "stuff" to be done, hehe :) I'm sorry. I know how it is!

Antipo Déesse said...

Aie, aie, aie... welcome to yucky grown ups' reality darlin'!!!