Friday night was our last concert for the year. We were all meant to arrive at 7:15 for a final walk-through, since there were quite a few soloists this year and different combinations of ensembles to take the stage. The director wanted to sing through a couple of numbers, including the one song I was still a little nervous about, a beautiful Italian song in five parts by Montiverdi. Unfortunately, this number was only second on the program and I was the only one in my section present when we sang it. I warbled through it as best as I could, still messing up the same phrase I've been stumbling over all along, much to my shame.
After the walk-through, I huddled over my music, pencil in hand, scribling last minute notes all over that phrase, when someone asked me what I was doing.
"I'm revising," I replied.
"Why?!" she asked, incredulously.
Because I couldn't think of how to say "Because I don't want to fuck it up again!" I just shrugged and smiled. And tried not to throw up. I was a nervous wreck by the time we hit the stage.
Thanks to either divine intervention or my practically shouting "and a ONE and a TWO" when the dreaded phrase came up, we sailed right through it. I nearly skipped off the stage after that number.
The turn-out was pretty low, but I guess most folks were more interested in staying cool at home than roasting in the oven that was the performance hall. Afterwards we celebrated with a dixie cup of champagne and some munchies before heading home. Even though the audience was small, and no one knew what I was experiencing on stage, I felt like I won an Oscar that night, because I was suffering an internal struggle with confidence and mind over matter, and I won.
In other news, it's HOT here. Yesterday it hit 90 and it should hit 90 again today. Lots of ice water and laying on the cool floor is the order of the day. I was looking at my blog entries from a year ago, and this weekend last year, we were cheering the Tour de France flying through Troyes, comfy in jackets and long pants, since it was a cool 60 degrees. Funny, I don't remember complaining about cool temperatures in July!
And finally, Happy Independance Day to friends and family back home! Eat a hamburger and send up a firecracker for me!